The Virtual Cinema

Following on from something I posted fairly recently - and blathered on at great length about at last night's Brum Bloggers Meet - King's Visualisation Lab at King's College London seem to be working on a virtual reality reconstruction of Birmingham's magnificent Kingstanding Odeon. This, of course, would be a VR simulation of its glory days as a cinema, not a VR simulation of its subsequent life as a bingo hall. There's currently no need digitally reconstruct bingo halls, although if attendance figures continue to slide there might well be soon.

There's more (but not much more) about it here.

PJANG

"People Just Ain't No Good" is a. a song by Nick Cave & Bad Seeds, b. a catchy mission statement for misanthropes, and, c. the title of a UK small press vet Rol Hirst's excellent comeback comic.

As you might expect from the title, the three stories that make up PJANG serve up a not altogether sunny-side-up view of the human condition. That's not to say it's a depressing read - there's plenty of wry humour and at least one happy ending to be found amongst its three stories - but the overarching theme is that we're living in a world full of no-good shits. Of course, you can't really argue with a theme like that. In your hearts you know it's true.

That being said, the three stories that make up 'PJANG' are very different beasts. The first, Grotesque, features nicely atmospheric art by my erstwhile drinking buddy Mr Tony McGee. A time-lapsed tale of infidelity born from insecurity, it's harrowing stuff.

Next is Get Creative! a blackly comic tale about an advertising exec who turns (a gun) on his industry and embarks on a Bill Hicks-inspired killing spree. It's vicious, funny, has a great twist at the end and features some lovely, stylised art by Andrew Cheverton which reminded me a bit of the work of 2000AD legend Mike McMahon.

Finally, there's Rooms for Writers by Rol and Kelvin Green. Despite it's subject matter (it's about what happens to writers after they die), it manages to end on uplifting, optimistic note that suggests (to this reader at least) that Lord Hirst of Slawit is not quite as gumpy a Yorkshireman as he sometimes makes himself out to be.

PJANG is very good, costs £1.75 and is available from here. Don't be a tight-arse - go buy it now.

For fear of obliterating my last and, frankly, endangered shreds of credibility, can I just say - for the record - that I am now, officially, getting rather excited about JJ Abrams' forthcoming Star Trek movie.

Here's a few reasons why:




Call me shallow, but it's those old-school, Original Series' uniforms (complete with obligatory miniskirts) that are doing it for me. Not so sure about the design aesthetic of the bridge, though. It looks like the kind of place you'd go to buy an iPhone.

Let's hope there's a sequel. I for one would like to see a young Kirk, Spock and McCoy go head to head with Javier Bardem as Khan...

Images via Ain't it Cool News, UGO & MTV.

"All that is, is metaphor"

From YouTube, a condensed version of Robert Anton Wilson's Maybe Logic DVD:

"RAW talks about the sanity of using maybe, E-Prime (the english language without IS or Being), imprinting and conditioning, optimism, awakening and how 'the map is not the territory'."

Well, whaddaya know. I didn't even know there was a Maybe Logic DVD, let alone a condensed version of it.

Robert Anton Wilson (1932-2007) will always be one of my favourite writers. I spent a large chunk of my 20s trying to hunt down and devour just about every goddamn book he ever wrote. In the days before Amazon, this was no mean feat. By contrast, I stumbled upon the above clip after spending ten minutes or so loitering on the superinformation highway.*

It's at times like this that I love YouTube.



* Is it still called "the superinformation highway"? I've got a feeling that I just made myself sound very Windows 98.

Thor Blimey!

It's not every day you see an item of news that will excite fans of Marvel Comics, Norse mythology and popular Brummie playwright William "The Bard" Shakespeare.

Here's something from Variety that might:

"Kenneth Branagh is negotiating to direct 'Thor' the next Marvel Comics property that will be turned into a live-action film by Marvel Studios. Pic will be released in 2010."

Well, maybe not the Norse mythology crowd. They're never easy to please.

The prospect of Kenneth Branagh directing a big-assed superhero flick might seem like the maddest idea since, I dunno, Ang Lee directing a big-assed superhero flick. Then again, this one's about a hammer-wielding God who's partial to a bit of blank verse blather. It might not be too much of a stretch.

I suppose that over the coming months there'll be all sorts of feverish speculation amongst fanboys as to who should play the God of Thunder. Me, I don't particularly care - I'm more interested in the supporting cast. I'm hoping that Branagh once again calls upon his regular company of performers to lend a bit of much-needed gravitas to the project. I want to see Thor's dad Odin played by Richard (The Good Life) Briers. I want to see stately, plump Volstragg played by Brian (Z Cars) Blessed. But most of all, though, I want to see Thor's arch nemesis played by a truly great British performer. Someone who has worked with Branagh before. Someone who'd be perfect for the role. Someone who was born to play an evil trickster god.

I want to see Ken Dodd as Loki.

The letter writing campaign starts NOW!

Bank Bailout Scheme “To Be Extended To Riverbanks”

Fot the first time in ages, I've submitted something to the satirical website Newsbiscuit. Here it is:

Financial markets were in turmoil this morning following news that the British government will soon be extending their momentous £500bn bank rescue package to include ailing riverbanks. This comes in the wake of the Irish Government’s controversial decision to prop up the banks of the River Liffey

The news sent shockwaves through the financial markets both here and abroad. Following the announcement, the FTSE 100 share index plunged by a staggering 20%, setting a new record as its largest inter-day drop since Tuesday lunchtime. Transactions were suspended throughout many of Europe’s derivative exchanges as “absolutely bloody gob-smacked” Futures Traders were forced to spend much of the morning frantically rewriting history.

According to waterways campaigner Canal Phoenix, Britain’s riverbanks had been hit particularly hard by the credit crunch. “High Street banks aren’t the only victims in all of this,” claims Phoenix. “Thanks to global warming, there’s just not as much water out there as there used to be. Britain’s riverbanks are facing an unprecedented liquidity crisis.”

“Industrial pollution has always been a problem for our riverbanks,” claims Phoenix. “Over the last year, though, we’ve seen a dramatic increase in the number of toxic assets. You should see how many dead cats, used prophylactics and broken bicycle parts we’ve dredged up.”

A global collapse of the riverbank sector will have a devastating knock-on affect for other industries. “Riverside taverns, fishermen’s pubs and boat hire firms will all be affected,” claims Phoenix. “The sub-prime mortgage crisis has really hit property development along popular riverside locations. You have to remember, in this part of the world ‘sub’ usually means ‘underwater’”.

Opposition politicians, however, were quick to condemn the bailout. Jodie Marshland, Shadow spokeswoman for Riverbanks, Tow paths and Global Financial Catastrophes said: “While we sympathise with the nation’s riverbanks, throwing taxpayer’s money at this problem is no solution. If you ask me, the prime minister has behaved like a bit of a riverdunce.”

“This reckless policy decision has set a dangerous precedent. It has, quite literally, opened the floodgates. Where will it stop? What other bank-related institutions will British tax payers be bailing out next? Will we be offering emergency financial assistance to Jodrell Bank? To sperm banks? To England footballing legend Gordon Banks?”

Phoenix, though, is adamant. “Action has to be taken now. Nobody wants to see a run on the banks, but a run on the riverbanks can be far more dangerous. It can be very slippery and can result in drowning. You should always walk at a leisurely pace.”

In a related development, many of the world’s great rivers are currently involved in merger talks with former rivals. The US Mississippi has confirmed that it is in advanced talks with the Latin American Amazon which could lead to the creation of the world’s first super megariver, which will be known as the Ms. Ippi.

Artful Dodging

While we're on the subject of credit crunch-themed neologisms, here's another one I made up:

Faginomics (ˈfā-gən-ˈnä-miks), noun

Controversial economic recovery strategy designed to alleviate the self-inflicted hardships of the rich and powerful few by surreptitiously removing money from everyone else's pockets.