Saturday, 31 January 2009

11-11-11: St Theresa's Club, Perry Barr

On 11th November 2008 Clare and I spent several hours circumnavigating the city of Birmingham on the number 11 bus. This wasn't our idea, you understand. Rather, it was the brainchild of Jon Bounds of the marvelous Brum-based website Birmingham: It's Not Shit. You can read about it here.

While some tech-savvy contributors to this social experiment provided a real-time, multi-channel omnifeed of sights, sounds and experiences, I preferred a more 20th Century approach and instead scribbled down my thoughts in a notepad with the intention of writing it all up on my blog the following day.

This process is taking somewhat longer than I'd anticipated.



At about 2.25pm on the 11th November 2008 the number 11 bus - our number 11 bus - makes its way along Church Lane, past Hamstead Road, up Wellington Road and down Memory Lane.

We're in Perry Barr, now, and - seeing as how I spent many of my formative years living in nearby Kingstanding - this stretch of the route turns out to be pretty damn evocative for me. Many of the buildings we pass seem to resonate with all kinds of personal significance and I soon find myself embarking on an unscheduled detour via the outer circle of my brain. There's no mention of that in the official timetable.

Over there, to the left, is the Holy Roman Catholic parish church of St Theresa's. That gets me thinking about two of my closest friends - both former parishioners - and of gatherings, both happy and sad. Next, to the right, is a garden centre. A dim, nebulous childhood memory flickers and sizzles and struggles to take form. It seems to involve me shopping for shrubbery with my parents on a wet Sunday afternoon in 1981. I decide to let it go.

Then, just a little further along and to the left, I catch a glimpse of a modest-looking building you probably wouldn't notice if you didn't already know it was there. Tucked away just off Wellington Road, behind what used to be a bed warehouse, is St Theresa's Social Club.

St Theresa's Club in Perry Barr used to be one of my family's most regular haunts. It's been more than a decade since I last paid it a visit and, as we pass it now, I find myself sliding into a synaesthetic spiral of sentimentality. Family snapshots cascade through my cortex as I taste the velvety richness of a perfectly-pulled pint of Guinness, smell the aroma of stale cigarette smoke and hear the sound of Irish Music being played with varying degrees of authenticity. The experience is quite overpowering and leaves me feeling a bit like a bad Caffreys ad.

The St Theresa's regulars I got to know were all friends of my parents' who, like my Mum & Dad, were part of that big wave of Irish migrants who arrived in Birmingham during the 1950s and 60s. When I was in my late-teens and early-twenties I shared many a raucous night in their company and - despite the not inconsiderable age gap - they were often more amusing, unpredictable and interesting than many of my peers. Back then, they'd often comment on how much better the place was in the old days, but from my experience of this demographic they'd usually say that about most places. Of course, if I got off the number 11 bus and popped into St Theresa's now I'd probably also comment on how much better it was in the old days. From my experience of my demographic, we say this about most places, too.

But still, I couldn't help but wonder. On many of those raucous nights I'd often find myself imagining what places like St Theresa's club were like in their heyday. As I watched the old black and white photos come to life, it certainly seemed a lot busier. Young men in sharp suits were dancing with young women in fine dresses to the tunes of a visiting showband. Over there I can see my parents and their friends sitting at a table, and they're all looking a damn sight younger than me...

Of course, this was just me romanticising the past. I used to do a lot of that, back when I was sentimental.

For the most part, the Irish of my parents' generation didn't come to Birmingham because of its network of canals or extensive collections of pre-Raphaelite art. They came to Birmingham because they were looking for work. When they first arrived they often lived in cramped bedsits or "digs" in inner city areas like Handsworth, Sparkhill and Sparkbrook, and most were prepared to work hard - and work long hours - doing the jobs many of the 'locals' didn't want to do.

They were, to use the modern parlance, economic migrants.
This, of course, was nothing new: leaving home in search of work has always been hard-wired into the Irish DNA. The irony of having these thoughts while sitting on the top deck of the number 11 bus is not lost on me:
"Occupations such as working on buses and trams were rejected by English workers for the higher wages and appealing shorter working hours enjoyed by their counterparts in factories. One contemporary estimated that in just fourteen months in 1946-7 two-thirds of the 6,000 drivers and conductors in Birmingham had resigned and taken other employment. As was the case in London, the local transport authority recruited directly from independent Ireland, continuing in effect a practice initiated during the war that eventually ceased in 1953. By the early 1950s roughly one-third of the transport authority staff were Irish, many of them women. "

Edna Delaney, The Irish in Post-War Britain p 97

Of course, indigenous populations don't always take kindly to people from other countries "taking their jobs", and the Irish influx was often greeted with distrust and even hostility. The fact that the jobs the migrant workers were 'taking' were the ones that nobody else wanted to do was neither here nor there.

I'm so glad that sort of thing doesn't happen any more.

When the Birmingham Irish of my parents' generation first arrived here they worked hard, lived in often squalid conditions, were separated from their loved ones and were often distrusted and disliked. In this context, then, the Irish church clubs in Birmingham played a fairly significant role. With their regular dances and visiting showbands, places like St Theresa's - as well as those other Patron Saints of the Birmingham Irish like St Chad, St Francis and St Catherine – offered the Birmingham Irish a means to reconnect with their culture, reengage with their community and have a bloody good time. More significantly, though, if it wasn't for places like this then people like me probably wouldn't be here today.

My parents met at a dance at St Chads...

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Plugging my Friends: Racing Chihuahua

Chorleywood-based Mountainbiking ace Nicky, a good friend of many years' standing, now has a blog of her own. You can find it here.

As you were.

Monday, 26 January 2009

My Top 5 Gigs of 2009

Why Top 5? Why not a Top 10? As a lapsed Discordian I was going to knock out a rather elaborate, mind-bending explanation based on the 'Law of Fives' (which, according to Robert Shea & Robert Anton Wilson's Illuminatus! Trilogy, claims that everything in the universe can be connected to the number five if you try hard enough), but that looked too much like hard work.

Instead, I'll just tell you the truth: I opted for a Top 5 because I didn't go to very many gigs in 2008.

Five of 'em, though, were fucking awesome...



5. Bearsuit, Latitude Festival 2008 - Pete Ashton introduced them to me in 2007 when I saw them play at Birmingham's Sunflower Lounge, and their Latitude set was great fun. They're tremendously silly, ridiculously catchy and highly recommended. Jupiter Force, indeed.

4. Foo Fighters, Wembley Stadium, 7th June 2008 - I mentioned it in passing here, here and here but never got around to writing a proper review. Oh, well. I've never been what you might call a Foo Fighters fan; I have, however, always been an unrepentant Led Zeppelin fan. Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones surprise guest appearance on stage - and their storming rendition with Grohl & Co of Zep classics Rock and Roll and Ramble On - made this a gig to remember.

The Foo Fighters were quite superb, too.

3. Buzzcocks, Latitude Festival 2008 Sweaty, sticky, stomping fun in a marquee at 2am isn't everyone's idea of a good time. It's my idea of a good time and I wrote about it here.

2. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, Birmingham Carling Academy, 5th May 2008;
Grinderman, Latitude Festival 2008 I'm cheating a bit, here - I suppose this should be two separate entries - but this is my list so my rules rule. I wrote about the former here and the latter there.


1. Tom Waits, Le Grand Rex Paris, 24th July 2008 - No shit, Sherlock. A bit of a foregone conclusion, this. A Tom Waits gig will always, by definition, be the the gig of the year. That's just the way it is.

I attempted a reconstruction of the gig here.

Top 10 Films of 2008 to follow.

Friday, 23 January 2009

Top Ten Commandments

It's embarrassing to admit this, but we're into the third week of January and I still haven't cobbled together one of those obligatory end-of-the-year lists for 2008. I can't begin to explain how bad this makes me feel.

These lists have become such a staple of the blogosphere that each and every one of us feels obliged to complete one each and every year. You know the sort of thing: My Top 10 Albums of 2008, My Top 10 Films of 2008, My Top 10 Bloody Top 10s of 2008... each one a highly subjective attempt to reduce the year's cultural and artistic highlights into an ascending or descending sequence of chart positions. It is a dull, arduous and thankless task that we're forced to do on an annual basis. To put it another way, it's the blogging equivalent of completing a tax return.

According to some sources, the first year-end Top 10 blog post appeared as far back as 1995, when blogging pioneer Zeppo Connery posted his groundbreaking Top 10 of Dodgy Flash Animation Shorts on a CompuServe bulletin board. This was remarkable for a number of reasons, not least of all because his list was actually compiled prior to the launch of Macromedia Flash and the subsequent wave of late-90s dodgy Flash animation shorts.

Of course, year-end Top 10 lists were in existence long before the advent of blogs and even the Internet. Newspapers and magazines have used them for many decades as a means of filling column inches while staffers spend Christmas with their families. Even the music industry has been known to utilise a similar methodology, regularly using 'Top 10s' to track the sales of records over a given period.

According to some sources, however, this tradition of compiling year-end Top 10 list dates back to ancient times. Recent discoveries about the the Mayan Civilisation of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica suggest that their people were decatheistic, that is, while a veritable plethora of Gods and Goddesses were available for worship, only ten of them were ever taken seriously at any one time. This 'Top 10' was updated annually, but since the Mayan year was considerably longer than the Gregorian year the process was a lot less bothersome.

This phenomena also seems to have a precedent in the Judeo-Christian tradition. The recent discovery of an apocryphal biblical text suggests that the Ten Commandments, previously believed to be delivered on stone tablets on Mount Sinai, were actually updated on an annual basis:

"And the Lord said unto Moses: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife and neither shall thou covet thy neighbour's house, thy neighbour's ox or thy neighbour's chart position. And thou shalt not kill shalt be a new entry at number 9, whilst thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour shalt still be a non-mover at number 8."


Of course, to the modern-day blogger, none of this offers any reassurance. Any failure to reduce the year's artistic and cultural highlights to a sequence of highly subjective chart entries can result in dire consequences. If you don't knock out a Top 10 Albums, Top 10 Films or even a bloody Top 10 Top 10s of 2008 you can lose your licence, be exiled from the blogosphere or even find yourself stripped of your hard-earned Technorati points.

I'd better get my finger out, then.

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

BBPM?

From The Hollywood Reporter:

TORONTO -- "Jeopardy!" host Alex Trebek is set to moonlight on the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. as host of the reality competition series "Canada's Next Prime Minister."

Canadian-born Trebek, who got his start at the pubcaster, will share the stage March 18 with three former prime ministers as they field pitches from four would-be politicos before choosing a winner.

Last month, the CBC got into hot water after admitting to breaking contestant recruitment rules and contacting political organizations to invite former young political candidates to compete on the series.

The CBC has sold "Canada's Next Prime Minister" as a format to the BBC.


Italics mine, as is the jaw on the carpet.

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

The Inauguration

I have a confession to make.

It's not an easy thing to admit to. In these rheumy-eyed, cynical times it can be considered dreadfully unfashionable, politically naïve and more than a tad suspicious. In certain circles it is regarded as an early indicator of the onset of water on the brain. However, at the risk of losing my friends, my credibility and even my credit rating I have to come clean:

While listening to President Barack Obama's inaugural address today I found myself experiencing an overpowering sense of optimism.

There. That wasn't so difficult to say.

Saturday, 17 January 2009

George is Wrathful

How bizarre.

The Seinfeld season 8 DVD boxset came through the post this morning. I'm a big fan of Seinfeld, and used to avidly watch it on BBC2 during the 90s, but I never saw much of the last two seasons due in no small part to erratic BBC scheduling. This evening Clare and I watched the first disc worth of episodes including season 8 opener - The Foundation - which I'd never seen before.

By way of a set-up, the fiancée of self-proclaimed 'Lord of the Idiots' George Costanza died at the end of season 7 in a rather tasteless manner. She'd accidentally poisoned herself after licking the toxic gum on a batch of cheap envelopes that were to be used for their wedding invites. Needless to say, George bought the envelopes.

Season 8 opens with her funeral, and - in light of this week's sad news about Ricardo Montalbán - I was rather suprised to find that the fist episode contained numerous references to his finest hour, Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.


Friday, 16 January 2009

Golf Stream

Lils has joined an after-school golf club at her infant school where she and her five year old pals will soon be learning the arcane arts of pitching, putting and wearing a Pringle v-neck. She's tremendously excited about it.

Lils was talking to Clare and me about this, and I said, quite innocently: "Wow, Lils - at the age of five you're learning to do something that I've spent thirty-eight years trying to avoid."

"What's that?" said Lils. "Work?"

The line was delivered with precision comic timing. I was never that good.

Thursday, 15 January 2009

Ricardo Montalbán, 1920-2009


Oh God, not again.

Only a day after I wrote a post about the late Patrick McGoohan, I now find myself writing about another cherished actor who has sadly passed away. Like most unrepentant fanboys, I'll always remember Ricardo Montalbán for his portrayal of my favourite screen villain, Khan Noonien Singh. However disillusioned I might have become with the franchise over time, Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan remains one of my favourite guilty pleasure movies, and that is due in no small part to Montalbán's incendiary performance.


Montalbán played Khan on two occasions, in the 1982 movie and in the 'Space Seed' episode of the original Star Trek series (which, ironically enough, I watched over Christmas for the first time in years as Clare had bought me a Season 1 DVD boxset). In non-Star Trek circles he was probably best known for playing the white-suited Mr Roarke in the 70s series Fantasy Island.



Like McGoohan, he had a long life and career - his first film role was in 1943 and his last was in 2006s CG animated flick, The Ant Bully. However, despite the fact he was multi-talented, had an amazing screen presence and exuded ridiculous amounts of natural charisma, as a young man he never got the leading roles he seemed almost genetically predisposed to play. Of course, this was the 1940s and 50s, and back then racial equality wasn't exactly high on Hollywood's agenda.





At the time, Montalbán was one of only a handful of Hispanic actors working in Tinsel Town, and on those rare occasions when a movie featured a Latin American protagonist, a North American A-lister would normally get the role. As much as I love the film, Orson Welles' Touch of Evil (1958) is a good example of this: we can only wonder how different the film would have been if the Mexican cop protagonist was played by a Latino actor like Montalbán instead of Charlton Heston.





To say that Montalbán delivered the greatest performance ever to grace a Star Trek movie may sound like I'm damning him with faint praise. Far from it. Any actor who could convincingly portray a genetically advanced, physically intimidating superman at the age of 61 (without, I might add, any prosthetic enhancements), was a talent to be reckoned with. The New Yorker's legendary film critic Pauline Kael - who never suffered fools gladly and could hardly have been described as a convention-going Trekkie - had this to say about Montalbán's Wrath of Khan performance:

"Montalban is unquestionably a star in 'The Wrath of Khan' (and his grand manner seems to send a little electric charge through Shatner). As a graying superman who, when foiled, cries out to Kirk, 'From Hell's heart, I stab at thee!,' Montalban may be the most romantic smoothie of sci-fi villains. Khan's penchant for quoting Melville and Milton (which goes back to 'Space Seed') doesn't hurt. And that great chest of Montalban's is reassuring. He looks like an Inca priest. He's still champing at the bit, eager to act: he plays his villainy to the hilt, smiling grimly as he does the dirty. Montalban's performance doesn't show a trace of 'Fantasy Island.' It's all panache; if he isn't wearing feathers in his hair you see them there anyway. You know how you always want to laugh at the flourishes that puncuate the end of the flamenco dance and the dancers won't let you? Montalban does."


Ricardo Montalbán - 25th November, 1920 – 14th January, 2009.

God, I hate it when my blog turns into a bloody obituary column.

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Patrick McGoohan, 1928-2009


It saddens me that we're only a couple of weeks into 2009 and already I find myself writing about the death of one of my cinematic heroes.

Patrick McGoohan passed away after a short illness in his Los Angeles home yesterday. McGoohan, of course, will chiefly be remembered as the writer, co-creator, producer and star of the seminal, subversive and staggeringly brilliant 1960s TV show The Prisoner. As I've probably mentioned elsewhere, The Prisoner was, is and probably always will be one of my all-time favourite television shows and over the years I've watched the each of those 17 episodes - from Arrival through to Fall Out - more times than I care to admit.

In February last year Clare and I spent a lovely weekend in North Wales (which I wrote about here, here and here), and on the way back took a ridiculous detour so I could make my first, long-overdue pilgrimage to "the Village" itself, Portmeirion:

"In the popular imagination - well, in mine, at least - Portmeirion is the place where Patrick McGoohan's famously numerophobic, former-government agent was sent to prison for a resignation he didn't explain. As a huge fan of the cult 60s show The Prisoner, it was weird walking past all those odd buildings, so many of which have been hard-wired into my imagination since Channel 4 repeated the series in 1985. I was pleasantly surprised at how little The Village had changed in the 40-plus years since the show was originally made: Portmeirion's Pantheon, for instance, was still recognisable as the green domed home to Number 2, while the stone boat on the shore still looked as mad and as incongruous as it did back then. Then again, it's a boat. It's made out of stone. How could it not look mad and incongruous?"


Like I said, I'm a fan.

Clare had never seen The Prisoner, and as we walked through Portmeirion's Italianate grounds I told her all about the show. She couldn't believe that somewhere as gorgeously ornate as this could serve as a fictional penitentiary and insisted on watching the series with me at the earliest opportunity. Now Clare's a fan, too, and even little Lily seems to be getting in on the act. Instead of saying "Goodbye", "So long", "Auf Wiedersehen" or even "Adieu" she's become rather partial to that weird and ubiquitous leave-taking phrase from the show, "Be seeing you." She's even mastered that weird salute - where the thumb and forefinger form a circle around the eye - that normally accompanies the phrase. It's quite a thing to see.

But back to Patrick McGoohan. While he will forever be best known as The Prisoner's Number 6, there was more to his illustrious stage, film and TV career than just that. In the 1950s, he so impressed another hero of mine, Orson Welles, with his stage presence that The Great Round One later admitted to feeling "intimidated". In the 60s, besides The Prisoner, he also starred in one of the UK's most successful TV exports, Danger Man (aka Secret Agent), became the highest paid actor in the UK and reportedly turned down the part of James Bond in Dr No on ethical grounds (or so the legend goes). We should also pause to consider the fact that he appeared not once, not twice, not even thrice but on four separate occasions as the murderer du jour in Columbo.

Some of the films he appeared in that deserve special mention include John Sturges' sublime Ice Station Zebra (1968), David Cronenberg's Scanners (1981) and Don Siegal's Escape From Alcatraz (1979). The last desrves special mention as he not only appeared alongside My Favourite Movie Icon of All Time, Mr Clinton Eastwood Jr, but he played Alcatraz Island's sadistic prison warden. I always loved the irony of that.

Patrick McGoohan is survived by his wife of over 50 years Joan Drummond McGoohan and his his three daughters. My thoughts go out to his family and friends.

Thursday, 8 January 2009

Rowlf the Raindog

I was watching The Muppet Show with Clare and Lily this evening. I'd bought Lily the season 2 DVD boxset for Christmas and we were watching the one where the special guest is Peter Sellers. I say that in such an off-hand way you might be forgiven for assuming that I've got a vast, ecyclopaedic knowledge of The Muppet Show and have regularly watched every episode on numerous occasions. The truth is, the last time I saw Peter Sellers appear in The Muppet Show was over 30 years ago and I wasn't much older than Lily is now.

It was still very funny, though.

A few weeks ago I was watching an old VHS tape of The Muppet Movie with Lily. During a scene where Kermit meets Rowlf The Dog in a bar, Lily turned to me and said: "Rowlf The Dog sounds just like Tom Waits."

Lily is five years-old, incredibly smart and a big fan of Tom Waits.

I think she's got a point:

Rowlf The Dog:



Tom Waits:

Sunday, 4 January 2009

Woolies RIP

I've never been one to anthropomorphise business entities, so I don't tend to get too upset when a major High Street retailer goes out of business. Sure, I'll always sympathise with the regular people who end up losing their jobs on account of other peoples' errors of judgment and catastrophic SNAFUs, but I don't feel any great sense of personal loss when a well known retail outlet shuts its doors and goes to Jesus. When Ratners went bust, Bejams bit the dust and Rumbelows took its final dirt nap I didn't wear a black armband, close the curtains or shed any tears.

Until today, that is. While walking through Cotteridge in Birmingham I saw my first dead Woolworths store. The place was gutted, the shutters were down and a rather pathetic handwritten sign declared that the shop's safe and a few fittings and fixtures were still available for purchase. As I read the sign, I felt my default setting of disregard be thrown into disarray.

I felt rather sad.

Woolworths, you see, was the place where I bought my first 7" single. The record - for the record - was Cool For Cats by the criminally underrated Squeeze and I bought it with my pocket money from the bargain bin at the Hawthorn Road branch of Woolies in 1979. For most of my childhood, the Hawthorn Road branch of Woolies was the only place I bought records from. Long before I discovered places like Virgin or HMV - or independent outlets like Swordfish, Tempest and the late Frank's Wild Records - Woolies was my local record store.

I bet it was for lots of other people, too

The Dark Knight (Slight Return)

Thanks to my partner Clare for alerting me to the following twisted gem:

Saturday, 3 January 2009

MMIX

So here we are, at the start of a bright new year; and here I am, thumping the keyboard like a sausage-fingered caveman, trying to hammer out my first blog post of 2009. It's also my first blog post in almost a month, but who's keeping track of these things, anyhow?

Something odd has recently occurred to me. Actually, it's occurred to me at regular intervals over the last eight or nine years, but now's as good a time as any to share it with others. That's probably not the best thing to do when something odd occurs to you, especially in the wee small hours of the morning, but at least this way I get to find out whether it's occurred to others, too. It may even may have occurred to you, in which case we could always pool our resources, split the counselling fees or form a Facebook group.

Anyhow, the oddity that's occurred to me is this: if, like me, your calendar of choice is the Gregorian calendar then you'll probably agree that we're fast approaching the end of the first decade of the 21st Century. Sure, depending on how much of a stickler or a party-pooper you were ten years' ago, you may have argued over whether the 21st Century kicked off in the year 2000 or 2001. You'll probably now agree, however, that we're fast approaching the Kubrick decade's closing overs and final furlongs. Isn't it odd, then - in this Year of Our Lord two thousand and nine - we've yet to agree on what this decade is actually called?

It was all so straightforward in the 20th Century. There was the Nineties, and before that, the Eighties. Prior to that we had the Seventies, Sixties, Fifties and so on. They were parcels of time, each conjuring up a specific cocktail of imagery and music and history and style. They were arbitrary labels, based on a highly capricious measurement of time that was steeped in Medieval folklore and riddled with sweeping inaccuracies and generalisations.

But at least they had names.

And these weren't names that were applied after the event. It wasn't like the way the French Revolution that became known as the French Revolution long after the Storming of the Bastille. People thought of the Nineties as the Nineties during the Nineties, and it was the same for all the other 20th Century decades. At the end of the 90s, for instance, certain musical fads could be described by media pundits as "early-90s" just as, at the end of the 80s, shoulder pads and designer stubble could be described by the fashionistas and those-what-give-a-shit as "very mid-80s."

So far as I can tell, however, we haven't settled on a name for this decade we're living in right now. I've heard a few attempts, mind you. "The Noughties" pops up now and then, but to me that sounds a bit too FHM for my tastes. "The Zeroes" is another one I've heard on occasion, but that not only contains unfortunate pessimistic conotations, but it also sounds like it should be an indie band (and a quick Google search confirms my suspicions...). For the most part, though, journalists, pundits and proper ordinary people seem to skirt around this issue like its a big temporal elephant in the room.

But I don't this to turn into one of those rants by middle aged bloggers who moan about what's wrong with things without offering any alternatives. At least not with this post. In the interests of bringing something to the table and opening up a debate on the subject here's my suggestion for a name tag for this decade: "The Norts". It's catchy, and it's free of the aforementiontioned connotations and the fact it will resonate with fans of the character Rogue Trooper from the great British comic 2000ad is an added bonus.

Of course, these labels are all based on the Gregorian calendar, which has always been my calendar of choice (from my experience, most people don't realise there's more than one calendar to choose from). If your calendar of choice isn't the Gregorian calendar then it probably isn't the first decade of the 20th Century for you. According to the nifty calendar converter I found here, today - 3rd January, 2009 - is:

7 Teveth 5769 according to the Hebrew Calendar
6 Muharram 1430 according to the Islamic Calendar
15 Kankin or 12.19.15.17.12 according to the Mayan calendar
Duodi, 12 Nivôse 217 according to the French Republican Calendar

And my favourite:

Pungenday, Chaos 3, Year of Our Lady of Discord 3174 according to the Discordian calendar.

Maybe I should think about switching brands.