Hush

I'll keep this brief for two reasons. Firstly, I think there comes a time when a man has to exercise some measure of self-discipline over certain aspects of his life. For instance, on occasion I've been prone to acts of wanton gibberish, blarney-fuelled blather and tangential excess. My friends claim I talk out of my hat, my family say I can talk the hind legs off a donkey, and donkeys say I'm a pioneer in pain-free amputation. I've never understood donkeys. In any case, I can accept this. However, by taking a deep breath, centering myself and aligning my various chakra points I've learned to channel these energies, direct my focus and overcome these habituated response patterns. Where once I had an infinite capacity to talk endlessly about absolutely nothing, I now communicate with the kind of succinct, razor-like precision and a prudent economy of words that would make Clint Eastwood sound like Boris Johnson, or a ninja seem chatty.

The second reason I'm keeping this brief is because I'm supposed to be flying to Glasgow tomorrow and I haven't started packing yet. Shit.

Technorati Tags:blather
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator

Here we go...

I wasn't planning to do this, I really wasn't.

Having a Myspace page and Blogging all seemed a bit too 21st Century for my 20th Century tastes. It was like owning a SatNav or worrying about my carbs – I could grasp the concepts and appreciate the benefits but I just couldn't be arsed with the technicalities.

It was the same with mobile phones. I held out for ages, almost making it into the 21st Century landline-locked and mobile-free. Once again, the concept was grasped and the benefits appreciated, but my reluctance to follow the herd coupled with a deep-rooted fear of looking like an 80s options trader or a media twat reinforced my stubborness. Over time my position became increasingly farcical, as my positions have a tendency to do. Vast chunks of my social calendar were consumed by endless, Tolkein-esque quests to find loose change and a working telephone box. Friends and loved ones began to question my sanity. I began to question my sanity. During the very last week of the very last month of the very last year of the 20th Century I gave way to social pressure and bought a Nokia that looked like one of those black rubber bricks you used to fetch from the deep end of the swimming pool.

I like to think that in a previous life I wrecked Spinning Jennies for a living.

Technorati Tags:blather
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator